Child Custody During the Holidays: Tips for Washington Parents

The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration — but for separated or divorced parents, they can also bring stress and uncertainty. Deciding where the children will spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or New Year’s can quickly become a source of conflict. With some preparation and communication, however, families can find balance and keep the focus on what matters most: the children’s well-being.

Start Planning Early

Courts in Washington encourage parents to plan ahead. If you already have a parenting plan in place, review its holiday schedule well before the season begins. Most parenting plans contain specific provisions under RCW 26.09.184 addressing holidays, birthdays, and school breaks. Make sure you understand the rotation (for example, alternating Christmas Eve and Christmas Day each year) and confirm logistics like travel times and pickup locations.

If your plan doesn’t include a holiday schedule, now is the time to discuss it with the other parent or through mediation. Courts expect both parents to act in good faith when coordinating time with the children.

Focus on the Children’s Experience

Children thrive on stability and predictability. If possible, maintain family traditions — even if they look a little different now. Keep routines like bedtime or favorite holiday meals consistent, and reassure your kids that both parents love them and want them to enjoy the season.

Younger children, in particular, may struggle with transitions. Having a clear plan helps them know what to expect and reduces anxiety.

Be Flexible and Cooperative

While the parenting plan provides structure, flexibility can go a long way. Weather, illness, travel delays, or special family events sometimes require changes. When possible, offer to swap days or adjust plans rather than strictly insisting on “your” time. Judges notice patterns of cooperation — and parents who show goodwill tend to avoid future conflicts.

If tensions are high, consider using parenting-communication tools like OurFamilyWizard, TalkingParents, or AppClose to keep discussions documented and civil.

Understand Your Options for Dispute Resolution

If your parenting plan doesn’t resolve the issue and you can’t agree on a holiday schedule, mediation may be the first step. In King County and most other Washington counties, family law local rules (such as KCLFLR 16) require mediation before a court hearing on parenting disputes. Mediation allows parents to craft solutions that fit their unique family traditions instead of leaving the decision to a judge.

Only when mediation fails should you consider filing a motion to enforce or modify the parenting plan. If time is short, courts can sometimes hear emergency holiday motions, but judges expect you to have made a good-faith effort to resolve the issue first.

Keep Perspective

The holidays come once a year, but your co-parenting relationship will continue long after. Prioritizing kindness, flexibility, and the children’s happiness will pay dividends for years to come. A little compromise now can prevent bigger conflicts later.

Need help with holiday custody issues?

At Rank & Walker Family Law, we help Washington parents navigate the challenges of child custody and parenting plans, especially during the holidays. Whether you need help interpreting your plan, mediating a dispute, or modifying an existing order, our team is here to help. Schedule a free phone, video call, or in-person consultation today.

Rank & Walker Family Law - Serving King County, Pierce County, and surrounding Western Washington communities.